Understanding Grief: Healing Through Community and Support

Gateway to Prevention and Recovery offers support for individuals facing challenges with substance use, mental health, and gambling. Grief often plays a significant role in these struggles, either as an underlying factor or as an additional burden. Unresolved grief can intensify emotional pain, leading individuals to seek relief through substances. Research indicates that approximately 10–20% of bereaved individuals experience complicated grief, a prolonged and unrelenting form of mourning. This condition is associated with an increased risk of developing substance use disorders. Recognizing and addressing grief as part of the healing process can be a crucial step toward recovery and overall well-being. 

John Blum is a participant in a local grief support group held at the Redeemer Lutheran Church. John shares more about his understanding of grief as well as the help that is available for any community member grieving a loss. 

Grief is a series of events in everyone’s life. We often experience losses at a young age, between two to five years old. This initial loss may manifest as the loss of a favorite toy or pet. As we mature, the complexity of grief increases, as does its impact on our lives. The event that causes a person to grieve is unique to the individual, their stage in life, and their emotional state. An individual’s grief is most impactful to them personally. Events that trigger the grief process are multifaceted. These events can include life experiences such as the cancellation of a wedding due to COVID, the loss of a job, a couple's breakup, or the death of a significant individual such as a parent, sibling, or spouse.

Grief is a deeply personal process that unfolds differently for each individual. The stages of grief may occur in a random sequence, but all stages are likely to occur for a person to truly process and begin to heal from the event that caused their grief.

Often, the grief experience is composed of two parts:

• The actual event (what truly happened), and

• The mind’s perception of the perfect or ideal version of that event.

For example, this contrast might be seen in the loss of a biological parent versus the loss of a perceived or idealized parent figure. Loss often creates fear of the future and the unknown. However, it also provides an opportunity for personal growth and greater understanding.

The Stages of Grief

1. Denial

   • Involves shock, confusion, and difficulty accepting the reality of the loss.

   • It may serve as a protective mechanism, helping a person absorb the impact gradually.

2. Anger

   • Can be directed at oneself, others, or even God.

   • Often stems from the perceived unfairness of the situation or as a way to express overwhelming emotion.

3. Bargaining

   • Involves trying to regain control or make deals with God or a higher power.

   • Manifests as thoughts like “if only” or “what if,” reflecting a wish to reverse or change the outcome.

4. Depression

   • Characterized by deep sadness, hopelessness, and withdrawal.

   • Often marks the stage where the reality of the loss fully sets in.

5. Acceptance

   • Coming to terms with the loss and finding a way to move forward.

   • May involve cherishing memories, adapting to a new reality, or beginning to rebuild a sense of purpose.

6. Finding Meaning

   • The stage where one remembers those who have died with more love than pain.

   • Involves honoring loved ones and moving forward in a way that reflects their lasting impact.

Common questions that are asked during the grieving process include: 

• Is it normal to feel this way after a loss? 

• How long does the grieving process typically last? 

• What are some healthy ways to cope with my grief? 

• When should I consider seeking professional help for my grief? 

• How can I support others who are also grieving? 

Our grief group at Redeemer Lutheran Church seeks to provide insight into the questions above and help those in the community who are grieving a loss. The group is focused on bereavement. We are committed to confidentiality. We provide a process for grief recovery, educational resources, and coping strategies to help you navigate your grief journey. The group fosters an open atmosphere that gives everyone a voice to share experiences and offer support to one another without judgment. We recognize that each person's grief is a unique experience, and we honor each individual’s feelings with compassion and without judgment.

For more information, contact Karren Herron at 405-627-6470 or simply show up for a meeting. We meet Thursday evenings at 6:30pm at 39307 West MacArthur, Shawnee, Oklahoma 74804. You are not alone.

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John Blum and his wife Mary were married for two years when she was diagnosed with a deadly lung disease IPF. While her life expectancy was two years, she lived an additional twenty-two years. Attending the grief group at Redeemer Lutheran Church and meeting Karen Herron, provided a place for John to understand this experience and showed him a process to become whole again.

In addition, If you or someone you know would like support on your journey with mental health, substance misuse, or gambling, do not hesitate to reach out to us at 405-273-1170 or access local recovery meetings in Pottawatomie, Seminole, and Lincoln counties.